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As Serious As a Heart Attack – An Observer’s Perspective

The early morning sounds are coming in from the outside. I’ve been awake for hours and I am exhausted, even before the day even begins. I am crying and pounding my fist on the bed, I see me slouched over screaming”You’re about to die, so please listen to me Please. The words of my agony were heard by nobody’s ears, but God’s. Unnoticed to us, the stopwatch was on and we were now running for his life.

After a few minutes He stepped out of the shower and said ” I think you better take me to the hospital.” At that moment my old self kicked into the top gear. Over the course of the last several months, I’d pictured this moment 100 times and my gut instincts knew exactly what to do. My internal 911 procedure began to click along the sequence of steps.

The dispatcher was asking me what was my situation when I woke up, I sat down and dressed and walking the steps required – I can hear me describing the situation and my evaluation of his situation. In my corner I can clearly see as well as hear and get an impression that he’s terrified and furious that I’m soliciting assistance. “No No, just take me; don’t call them.” I shut off my emotional attachment to the situation and follow my internal routine. I open and unlock our front door. I put the dog in a secure place behind the closed doors. I put his wallet as well as cellphone inside my purse. I am currently giving him four aspirin baby bottles and instructing him to chew them according to the instructions of the dispatcher. I do my best not to look into his eyes, or feel the fear emanating from his soul. I am required to stay in the space between us I have to remain in the disconnection.

In just a few minutes in a matter of minutes, within a matter of minutes, two Magilla Gorrila Sheriffs are walking through our front door. Their presence is both intrusive and terrifying. The picture is becoming real and the severity that the incident is about to get more serious. The sheriffs confront the man and inquire about what’s happening. The angst and fear of the inevitable have increased and for a fraction of a second I am unsure whether I’ve was in the right place in requesting assistance. The patient had all the symptoms but didn’t have the pain that was crushing. It could be that this isn’t the case. No, I tell myself that you should remain in the disconnect and continue in the right direction.

The paramedics follow, two young men carrying their equipment swoop into our sanctuary, and immediately begin their mission. From the perspective of an observer, I respond to the questions: DOB the list of medications as well as the beginning of symptoms, the known allergies and health issues, etc. He continues to fight and doesn’t want help. when we connect leads to an EKG and I walk out from the area. I must remain disconnected. I keep following my own inner routine.

I make the calls that are needed to his job as well as my daughter in law to tell her that I’m not watching my daughter and then I make the long-awaited phone call to his daughter. I’m ready to break; I’m ready to cry, but I remain in the silence and then I tell the facts. A few minutes later I return to the room. One of the youngsters is telling me, “your EKG is normal, so it’s not a heart attack, but your blood pressure if very high, we should still take you in.” I’m tempted to scream at him, but DO NOT EVER SAY THIS TO HIM. This is serious. It is heart-related!

Then the guest of the night arrived with a savage entrance. The elephant had declared its presence and the scene is given an additional urgency. They get him ready for transport. I’m not able to look at him and, in my mind, tell him, “I love you” and then grab my wallet. They’ve instructed me to get my car and not follow too closely. I exit the back door while they load him in the ambulance.

From my car, I make a second call to his eldest daughter. This time, I inform her that we’re headed to the hospital and the hospital isn’t looking good. In the last 15 minutes, I called my daughter and best friend. Both phone me back while I’m sat in the waiting room (weight) as they are preparing for him to be taken for the ambulance. I’m starting to feel a little shaky and I’m struggling to keep my disconnected. I would like to know the reason behind it. Is he going to succeed? The stopwatch is getting faster.

In an emergency department, I walk into the counter. it’s early in the morning, and there is no one in the room except me as well as the young man who is behind the counter. I tell him that my husband was taken there via ambulance. The young man rings the phone and tells me the following. “Hi, uh, yeah the cardiac arrest’s wife is here, oh OK, I will call the chaplain.” The room is tilted and I’m worried that I’m about to faint. Did he mean cardiac arrest? Chaplain? I hear a voice inside my mind Noooo Noooo Nooo But the outside me remains in a state of disconnection and is moving toward an open door, and the woman who is declaring herself to be the hospital’s Chaplain. She tells me that she will bring my to the family area where I can unwind. My screaming voice is loud, RELAX Relax, what do you mean by Relax? The disconnected me looks at her and asks her Where is my husband and what is his current condition? She says she didn’t check on him prior to going to collect me, and says that she’ll check for his condition and will return in a few minutes. I could have slammed into an opponent and smashed my head, but I kept my cool. I have to stay focused and calm; this will be a long journey.

A long time later the chaplain returned in and instructed me to go with her. She would bring the patient to. As I stand in the ER area, I can see my husband struggling with pain. His eyes are shut I walk over and stroke his forehead and whisper to him that I’m here and that I am so grateful for him. His skin is a foreign sensation to me. He’s cold and clammy. I look up and notice that the faces, words and energy of the space were screaming. This is as serious as an attack on the heart. The ER doctor comes to me and informs me that your husband is suffering from an urgent heart attack, and we’re doing all we can to help save his life. He then informs me to me that Cath Lab will be coming to help him in the near future and we’re waiting for them right now. As usual, I stroke his head to comfort me or him, I leave the room. This time , the phone call to his daughter delivered with emotion and urgency and her husband is at the receiving end of the phone call. I make it clear with a sense of urgency that this is a serious matter. I’m hoping that he’ll realize that this was about life or death. I ensure that someone has contacted his daughter who is not in the same position to notify her. I was hesitant to call my daughter since she was at home with her new twins.

I return to the room. My husband received the message from my call and is crying because at least he was able to meet his brand new granddaughters The twins. I gently touch him while avoiding tears and the desire to scream at him, I insist, You are not going to die! The Cath Lab team arrives, and we start rushing through the corridors to the next phase of the race. While we walk through the hallways, I feel the urgency that is so intense that is evident in every single step. I feel as if I’ve gone from my body. It’s been a long time since I made that 911 call, and the stopwatch has begun to tick in a high-speed mode.

As we approach at the Cath Lab, someone grabs me and redirects my steps and I observe as the team race away together with my husband. My knees start to buckle as the overwhelming feeling of isolation overwhelms me. Again I am in a room designated as a family. The supervising nurse of the unit gives me a pile of brochures and explains the procedure that is going to happen in the procedure room. She and then lets me go to my thoughts. My mind is spinning and anxiety is beginning to creep in. The nurse comes back to the front of the room where I am sitting , and tells me that the cardiologist wishes to talk to me before starting. I follow her to the huge doors, which read NO ACCESS; they are opened, and a tiny man dressed with mask and scrubs stands in front of me. He says he would like to introduce himself before beginning. He repeats the same scripted phrases that were given to me by an ER doctor “we are doing everything we can to save his life. “ The conversation takes about 20 minutes, and then the doors shut. Again I’m stuck with an angry voice in my mind… No, no, this cannot be happening. The stopwatch is now breaking its speed.

In the designated family space with my inner screams and tearsin my eyes, I discover myself being blessed by the angelic Mercy. Just as I thought I couldn’t keep my cool and was nearing hysteria, my best friend Marianne was there. I had warned her to stay away. I didn’t want her to be absent from work, but here she was, telling me she couldn’t have let me go through this by myself.

Through God’s grace, God, Marianne is a cardiac nurse with over a million years of expertise. She took care of my concerns and talked to me about potential scenarios and possible outcomes. We went through all of the pamphlets, and specifically one that showed the principal coronary arteries. She pointed out a specific region and said, we don’t wish to have a blockage in this region. She was there to ensure my security of the disconnect.

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